Accepting what is
I have been thinking over these last (almost) 12 months, about the changes we have all been required to make in order to assume this new role of pandemic parenthood. It has not been easy, as we all know. For some of us there have been devastating outcomes to personal health, loved ones, mental health or job security. Never before have we as a global nation been able to empathize with one another without borders, judgment or the capacity of not knowing. None of us know what COVID 19 is doing to our lives, we all know that the outcomes will long surpass what we can fathom and we all know that life has become normal while at the same time has become intolerable. Trying to accept what is has been part of my mindfulness throughout this pandemic because I felt I had no other choice. I have referenced this before and had I only known how relevant it might be I would have waited to analyze the theory but here it is again. Sometimes you can’t go over things, sometimes you can’t go under things, sometimes you just have to go though things. While I wish I were only reading lines from Going on a Bear Hunt, I am unfortunately talking about life. In life we find many ways to convince ourselves that being in control is actually possible because often times with money, resources or time you can indeed find a way over, around or under the situation you find yourself in. Right now in this moment I want you to close your eyes (maybe finish this sentence first) and take a deep breath in, focusing on filling your lungs and silently, or not silently say “fuck”. Okay, that was a big word, I know and I actually just bought myself a sweatshirt that says “good moms say bad words” because while my husband and I do not use strong words as a practice, around our children, there are just some situations that welcome, warrant and need a strong word in order to express the situation at hand.
We have been locked inside our lives for almost a year, friends and relatives are filing for divorce, people are literally losing their jobs, homes and lives, people are abusing alcohol and drugs, children are being impacted academically, socially and emotionally in ways we do not understand and to me, that warrants a well thought out, calm and deep breath surrounded “fuck”. Okay so we have it, we have said it, we have identified it and now what…? Hmmm, the question that no-one can answer because there is no answer. What a puzzle this is, we always have answers. There is either a person, a place or a thing that can fix everything. Your college boyfriend is being a jerk, answer - best friend and bar hopping. Your kids are stressing you out beyond measure, answer- send them to the babysitter and hit the spa or put on a movie and go take a bath with a glass of wine. Right now, the ability to get what we need or get what we want from the world is very limiting and that can feel oppressive and scary so I thought about it and I realized there is one thing I can control. I can control my output, I can control my thought process around what is happening and I can control my actions towards the situation I find myself in. Now don’t get me wrong, I have had my fair share of temper tantrums and they were not pretty but life is a journey, that was part of my journey and here is where I find myself.
What I realized was that my biggest passion lies in the union of home and education. I fundamentally believe that if children are able to be supported, feel supported and learn from a place that doesn’t feel disconnected from their home life, that children will be able to learn more, learn faster and learn more foundational tools to build on through their academic life. Since I started my business five years ago I have wished for a way to try out this concept of really marrying together the home-school connection. So while I am not trying to say that COVID 19 has made my dreams come true, I am able to look at the current circumstances I am in and realize I have been handed a gift and one that I both asked for and am passionate about. So while the world does seem to be coming apart at the seams and while there are certainly a shortage of answers to the questions we all have about when and if this will all be over, I am trying to accept the gift I have been handed and allow myself to cherish this time with my children.
The reality is that we will never again have this much time with our children and we will never again be able to be this involved in their academic lives and while it feels overwhelming now, we perhaps will look back and miss these moments of closeness. Just a thought, one which can be discarded but one I urge you to breath into, just to see where it lands. Sometimes the most simple answers are the ones hardest to see.
I am a mother, not a wizard. I share what is hard, what is scary and what is real. The rest I leave to you.