As a mother of two I have found it eternally challenging to keep going. School shootings, Children are being left behind, academics are failing them more than we know. Social anxiety is on the rise, and I think one of the damn planets is moving again and screwing with the universe (No, I do not believe this is true but right now I will blame anything). I have been struggling with a GI issue over the last three months which I have not openly talked about because it is embarrassing, and it is shameful. I started opening up to people about it only to find that SO MANY WOMEN struggle with GI issues and you know what many of them tie it to either partially or completely? Mental health, their anxiety and depression that causes the need for medication intervention which is hidden because it too is shameful and embarrassing which ties into the feelings of shame and insecurity thus creating a beautiful and completely impossible loop of agony that must be navigated on top of motherhood, spouse hood, careers and life. I am EXHAUSTED of acting like the struggles I have with anxiety and depression are something to be ashamed of. I am tired of pretending like that part of me doesn't exist for fear of being abandoned by those who are afraid that if they see the honesty they too will feel the pain.
If I had a weak heart I would be given support and understanding and space to be who I was. So I proclaim a weak nervous system, one that threatens my very existence and leaves me exhausted, short of breath, low on energy and physically ill.
If you have never struggled with mental suffering, you cannot imagine the strength it takes to pull yourself out of it.
I shared my illness with my 9 year old this week and I didn't load it or over explain. I simply looked at her and said "I struggle with something called anxiety and depression and it sometimes makes me sad or angry or frustrated and I don't always know why". I told her it was not her fault when I struggle, I told her I will be okay, I told her I take medicine to keep myself healthy. We can all advocate for mental health awareness but we HAVE TO TEACH It in a way that helps the next generation feel empowered and freed from the shame and embarrassment of being anything less than perfect. Is it safe to ASK FOR HELP? People say it is, people offer support but the truth is that until we engrain mental stability into the next generation so that it is part of a routine list of illnesses OR ELSE nothing is going to change. Be the change you wish to see in the world? I wish to see those who suffer alone while in a crowded room SET FREE.
I am a mother, not a wizard. I share what is hard, what is scary and what is real. The rest I leave to you.